True friends

Trying and failing again at swerving the conversation from centring on me, I take a minute to look - more like survey the people passing judgement ruthlessly on me and my past actions. Isn't it funny how you become the topic of discussion but are never really allowed to say anything for yourself in self-defense especially? Scanning their faces closely in a bid to be able to read the emotions on their faces, all I notice is warmth and affection - sheer fondness and a smile playing around the corners of their eyes, even the one who has his mouth twisted in an angry knot. Oh, I forgot to mention who they are. They are people who I'd like to call Friends not for lack of a definitive word to describe them but because they're friends to me in the truest sense of the word.

credits: Mindthinks

So, how would you know if a person is actually your friend and has only good intentions towards your friendship? Is it by the number of years you've spent together or by how much you have in common? Or how comfortable you are in their presence? Perhaps, how trustworthy, solid and reliable they appear and how easy it is for you to confide in them? Some people would prefer someone who would paint the truth in fancy lines to make you feel better about yourself, while others would rather have friends who are blunt and criticize their actions, rarely complimenting them. I'd prefer the latter, I like being charged to do better.

"Birds of a feather...", they say, "...flock together." This proverb usually comes to play when choosing friends, but there are occasions which are in rarity when you go for someone who is the polar opposite of you, probably to spice up your social circle if you're the type that can handle more than one friend at a time. Yes, some people can't. And try not to confuse acquaintances and colleagues for friends.

Colleagues are mainly departmental, level or school mates that you only get to see or converse with in school generally about school-related topics while acquaintances are just - like I refer to them as, "hi" and "bye" people. Lol, but really acquaintances are people who you just share a common interest and are restricted to only a part of your life. Unlike with friends, you do not feel a sense of connection or feel free discussing problems or sharing ideas with acquaintances. Also, the bond of friendship that is usually maintained till adulthood is lacking in acquaintances. But, this doesn't mean all friendships last till forever.

How many of us still have the same best friend(s) that we had in primary or secondary school? Granted, tertiary institutions might have taken you guys miles apart, but with the level of technological advancement, you can almost feel someone's virtual presence even if the person is continents away. Yes, there are platforms for video-chatting and an example is Skype. With the advent of the internet, it ought to be impossible not to be able to sustain a really solid and valued friendship. So, what went wrong with that old, beautiful friendship of yours? Find it and fix it. Old friends are pure gold!

Acquaintances can end up as friends especially if the areas of common interest are many. A lot of friendships grew out from the acquaintance stage. Making friends is one thing, keeping the friends is a herculean task on its own. Another issue to consider is how difficult it is for some people to make friends, and how naturally making friends comes to others.

An important thing to bear in mind is that being one's self will attract friends that'll stay for good, while working too hard to be who you're not in order to impress someone and win the person's friendship which might be short-lived because the person will definitely discover you're a fraud. Besides being caught, it's cheapening and shows desperation to be favoured in one's sight. If the person doesn't appreciate you for the unique being that you are, let go of the dream of a possible friendship between that person and move on. You'll meet great people who'll accept and love you for who you are, I assure you.

True friendship is unconditional and not exploitative. It's no money-making venture or fall back plan from depression or boredom. True friends are there during the storms and sunshine, they share you sorrows and joys, happiness and sadness. Help you out of difficult situations and love you boundlessly! Friends are for life, not for a particular phase of life. Keep an open mind when making friends, don't work too hard on it. Cheers to those friends who've been there for us all the way. Friends are keepers! Friends for life!

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PREJUDICE AND DISCRIMINATION

Treated Like a Nobody.

"When I was 10, the Ibo and Hausa people in my town had a clash in retaliation for the recent bombings in the North. The hatred affected me, a little boy who lost his Eastern mom to one of the bomb attacks, I began to make fun of a boy in my class who was Hausa, even though he had been my friend."

credits: reference for business

Have you ever experienced the indignity of unfair discrimination which tends to be based on prejudice? A popular christian article asks. Perhaps it was because of your tribe as in the case of the 10yr-old boy, your skin colour, your gender, your economic status, your religion or even your age. Those who are regularly treated prejudicially often live in fear of further ill-treatment, the article further says. When they walk by a group of people, go into a store, move to a new school, or attend a social gathering, they may become sick with anxiety.

In addition, victims of prejudice and discrimination may have trouble getting a job, or they may receive second-rate medical care, an inferior education, and fewer social privileges and legal rights. When officially sanctioned, discrimination can lead to such evils as ethnic cleansing and genocides. A good example is the mass genocide in Rwanda in the 1990s.

This article looks at prejudice and discrimination on a larger scale. Bigotry and intolerance may persist even where there are laws against discrimination. A former United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights said and I quote:   "Six decades after the adoption of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights..., the principles of equality and non-discrimination are still far from a universal reality." That is disturbing because immigration and the influx of refugees have significantly altered the demographics of many lands.

So, is an equitable society just a dream? Or can prejudice and discrimination be overcome?
"All human beings are born free and equal in rights and dignity. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood." -Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights says. I bet only a handful of us knew about it because we live in a lawless country. Despite the lofty ideal, prejudice and discrimination continue to plague mankind. This sad fact reflects not only our times but also the imperfections of humans. Nevertheless, the situation is far from hopeless. Granted, we may be unable to eliminate the prejudice we see around us, but we can work to root out prejudice that may lodge within us.

A good start is to acknowledge that none of us are above developing prejudices. The book, Understanding Prejudice and Discrimination says: "perhaps, the most important conclusions to emerge from prejudice research are these:

1. No one capable of human thought and speech is immune from harbouring prejudice.
2. It often takes deliberate effort and awareness to reduce prejudice.
3. With sufficient motivation, all these can be done. 

Education has been described as "the most powerful tool" in the fight against prejudice. The right education can, for example, expose the root causes of prejudice, enable us to examine our own attitudes more objectively, and help us deal wisely with prejudice when we are victims.

Prejudice causes people to distort, misinterpret or even ignore facts that conflict with their predetermined opinions. Prejudice may have its beginnings in seemingly innocent, but often misguided family values, or it may be sown by those who deliberately promote warped views of other tribes, races or cultures. Prejudice can also be fostered nationalism -the urge to be patriotic, or false religious teachings. And it can also be a product if inordinate pride.

Love; genuine love conquers prejudice. Treat others simply in the way you'd want to be treated. Envy and unnecessary pride breed prejudice, let go of all that. Let the bad others do to you bring out the good in you.

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Bent but not broken

To You All,

My name is Eloho. I am a 19 year-old single mother. A title that is a constant reminder of how foolhardiness and naivete come with a grave prize to pay. In my case, it's an everlasting payment. A year ago, I was this innocent, naive, smart girl with abound opportunities for a better future. I had lofty dreams like every youngster, I had grand plans! I secured admission into one of these popular conventional universities to study my dream course; Mass Communication. I was thrilled! Things seemed to be going according to plan, at 16 I was already on my way to becoming a newscaster. I always loved the showbusiness, but I wanted to do it differently.

credits: hdire source

My nightmare started on a warm September evening exactly 3 years ago. I was heading home after a lecture that lasted 4 straight hours. Exhausted and famished were understatements to how I was feeling. Dragging my tired self to get home, I bumped-or rather, a guy bumped hard into me sending my unzipped bag flying in the air with my notes falling all over. Tiredness had put my temper on the edge so I instantly flared up and attacked him. "What is wrong with you?" I angrily demanded. "Are you blind?" I pressed further. He kept mum and his silence just further infuriated me. Fueled by the anger, I made an attempt to push him out of my way with both hands, so slapping both opened palms flatly on his chest I tried getting him to move aside so I could bend and pick my notes which were still lying on the floor and which he had made no obvious attempt at helping me retrieve- an act I considered ungentlemanly of him, not that he had been anything near a gentleman since the bump. Holding my hands firmly to his chest, I peered closely to see his countenance since dusk was fast approaching, that was when I noticed; the poor fella was crying! My heart immediately went out to him. I'm a very emotional person, by the way. I can't stand a person going through any form of pain. My unfortunate cross to bear. Anger was immediately replaced with sympathy and concern in me. I was eager to help the weeping stranger. Hurriedly packing my notes, I nudged him to a closed shop with a vacant bench. We both sat. And he wept. Oh boy! He wept like a schoolgirl. Not used to finding myself in such situations, I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless and I very much wanted to help the poor crying boy. So, summoning courage, I started mumbling words of consolation. I took it a step further- I reached out and stroked his hair, while gently patting his back.

After awhile, he got his emotions under control and the crying feat subdued. In between sniffing air, blowing his nose, wiping his tears-stained face and stifling back more tears, he poured out his heart to me; a total stranger. His girlfriend of 3 years whom he had plans of marrying had called it quits because she heard his mom had cancer and considering that cancer is hereditary, she didn't want to marry into a family with a history of canceric genes. He had lost his longtime gf and was also losing his mom. The whole thing was overwhelming. I tried my best to cheer him up. We talked for about 3 hours before departing. He was no longer choking back tears though he was still red-eyed and swollen faced. His name is Raymond.

He called the day after and asked if we could hang out. I obliged. We met and continued from where we had stopped the other night. I was fascinated by him. We connected on so many levels, we had so much in common. We were both goal-driven and ambitious persons. To top it all, he was a God-fearing person. He drew me closer to God, I now had a personal relationship with God. Before he came into my life, I had a dysfunctional relationship with God.  Overtime we became really good pals. Along the friendship, we both fell in love.

It happened naturally, none of us even took notice! He was my best friend, my confidant, my brother. I practically hero-worshipped him! The three months I had with him are full of fond memories, cherished moments.

Sex was something we mutually agreed to abstain from even though we both wanted to try it out since we were both virgins. Our relationship was strictly platonic and that made it all the more beautiful. But being humans that we are, we gave in to the overwhelming urge and perpetuated the act.  Long story short, we eventually succumbed to basic urge; we had sex! It was a clumsy, disappointing lovemaking session even to a novice like me. After the sexual experience, things got a little awkward between us but with time we overcame the awkwardness and carried on with our beautiful friendship. Little did I know that one night of inexperienced lovemaking would get me; a 16 year-old girl pregnant!

I did not have the usual morning sickness that is usual for most pregnant women. I got my periods regularly. I just noticed I was adding weight and getting tired easily, I never attached much meaning to any of it. I was already 5 months pregnant before I noticed. I fell seriously ill during the second semester of my freshman year. I had to undergo some tests to ascertain the kind of ailment only to be told I was 5 months gone! And all along I thought I caught the flu or had malaria.

I immediately tried contacting Raymond but my efforts seemed to be futile. So I went to his hostel, only to be told that he too had to be rushed home because he fell ill during the night. After giving him the grace of 2weeks and not hearing from him, I sought him. I traveled to his place and I was welcomed with the greatest-no, second greatest shock of my life. Raymond had been diagnosed of cancer! I immediately fainted. When I was revived, I was told in details that he had to be flown abroad for immediate surgery since the cancer was still in the treatable stage. Ohmigod!

That was how Raymond left the country and I've not heard from him for over a year now. Last time I inquired about him from a family member, I heard the operation was successful and he recovered fully, even decided to remain in the States. Start a new life maybe, leaving me with his daughter. Now I'm a single parent, a year behind in studies, having missed a whole school year due to childbirth and the likes. I still live due to the support of my loving parents. They've been wonderful and understanding. How many times did I contemplate suicide? Being responsible for myself and my daughter was the only thought that stopped me from committing the act.

It's been over a year now, I am trying to move on with my life, school-wise especially. I still want to be a newscaster. Some dreams never die. Although there's this hatred that is breeding within me. The strong emotion to resent all males can be overwhelming at times. But I try to rid myself of the bitterness because inner peace comes from forgiveness and not holding grudges. Once again, I can say I am that happy girl only more experienced and with a baby of course.  That makes me a woman! The transition into womanhood for me was fast and all of it is mostly a blur for me.

But thankfully, I have picked up the virtually crumbling pieces of my life and I am making it whole again. Falling in love is an experience I dread now. But then, I'm working on learning to trust again.  Cos love is a beautiful feeling indeed. Everything might not have been all glowingly and rosy between Raymond and me, I have the most wonderful gift of life and she's a bundle of constant joy to me. This is the story of my life for the past 3 years.